With so much societal stigma around mental health and therapy, sometimes it can be difficult to admit that you need professional help. Maybe you feel the need for help and want to seek counseling but your partner is against it. Maybe they're afraid to face themselves--and you--honestly. Maybe they don't see therapy as helpful or worthwhile and are nervous or uncertain. Whatever the case may be, there are some good ways to initiate this discussion with your partner.
Make it a Private Conversation
Couples' counseling is designed for two people to work on their relationship with one another. It's only logical that the decision to engage with the therapeutic process should be made by both parties. Of course there are exceptions to this rule of thumb--such as instances of court-mandated therapy, etc.--but if at all possible, respect yourself and your partner by keeping this conversation to yourselves. There's no need to drag family members or friends into the decision making process.
Be Bold, Not Belittling
There is nothing wrong with you for wanting to go to couples' therapy, even if you're not sure your partner does. We all have emotional baggage to work on. Expressing your desire to go to counseling may be enough to convince your partner in and of itself. Either way, don't be afraid to communicate that this is important to you because you value your relationship and want to work to improve it.
Acknowledge Your Expectations
It is often the case that the conversation about starting couples' therapy is really a whole series of conversations. Ask yourself, "what result am I expecting in this endeavor? Is that a reasonable expectation?" We don't always know what we want out of counseling before we go into but it's useful to talk to your partner about what you hope to get out of it. Allow them to reciprocate and voice their expectations and fears as well.
Practice Active Listening
Demonstrate your attentiveness to your partner and to the conversation at hand with your body. Turn your ringer off and set your phone aside. Look at your partner while you're talking to them. Our bodies express so much that our words cannot so consider your posture as you speak. Physically demonstrating that the conversation is important to you is a compelling signal to your partner that you are in earnest.
Give Yourself a Break
If the conversation about beginning couples' counseling is a simple straight-forward one, congratulations! But if it is intense or stressful, you and your partner may need some time to be alone for awhile. That's totally o.k. Honor the emotional labor that you've done by taking some time for rest and reflection. Go for a walk in the park or get a coffee at your favorite café. Spend some time journaling or doing some other activity that is soothing to you. Allow yourself to feel any feelings you have about the discussion you've just had.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Ease into the process by booking your free 15-minute consultation today.